I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
