I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
