The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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