You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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