I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
