dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fuck appropriateness.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
