Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
