Plan B is the new Plan A
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
