I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
