now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
farters have to be the big spoon...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
