sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
