If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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