the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
pop tarts are not kleenex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
