If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
