He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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