A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
