I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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