You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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