I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
