i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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