hotel room ftw
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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