I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
