I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
