So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a burrito and a hug.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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