when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
