mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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