ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
