it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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