Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
