@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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