I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
