Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
