she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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