I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
