He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
