it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
false alarm. still invincible.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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