wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
