ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
