After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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