someone threw a dead crab at me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
