Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
