i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
