Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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