I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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