Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
