You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Text me some of your sweat
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
