i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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