you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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