Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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