You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
