The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We are all done wearing pants today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
