I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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