i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
