OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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