he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
