Umm I'm too high to move.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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