I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
