There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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