my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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