Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
