Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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