just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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