SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
