i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
