So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
