Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
