Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
