I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
