New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I did not marry a roomba.
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