I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
