Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
