I've blown a few things in my day
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize