Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
