There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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