But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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