All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize