Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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