on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
