Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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