When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
