Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
