He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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