all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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