sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
