Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
