I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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