I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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