Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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